New Diet

Thanks to Dave Mikkelson for this one:

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO!

 

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for 
my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in 
the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant?

 

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her 
that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. 
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the 
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in 
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices 
and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way 
that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets 
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is 
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it 
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was 
now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the 
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire 
hydrant and a car hit me.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was 
laughing so hard.

 

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask 
retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of 
crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it may be 
their only laugh for the day!